it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
