My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
