Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Randomize
