Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
