I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
