: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
