My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
