I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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