oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
