How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
