I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
i came on her dog
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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