hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Help. Why am I so naked?
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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