Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
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I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
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Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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