Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
