I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
