I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
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you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
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Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Randomize