PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
