i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
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