no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
