i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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