I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
