I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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