apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
