she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
