I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
