pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
