I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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