I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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