she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
