It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
