You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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