Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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