just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Randomize
