You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
