I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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