i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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