If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
