wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
