I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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