he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
