were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
