Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
