Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
