clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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