Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
