I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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