he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
