No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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