I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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