Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
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