Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize