you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
