You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
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I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
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btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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