I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
