i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Randomize
