We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Mom said you looked used
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
