I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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