I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
We had sex on a dog bed..
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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