Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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