Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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