But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
