I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
