This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
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We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
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The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money