Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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