Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me