i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
That's an oxymoron.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
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Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
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Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
did you just send me my own nude