Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
what food is Colorado known for?