I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
All of them.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
was it more than 30 minutes?
then you're in a relationship
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
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your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
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You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.