You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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