I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The UTI came back with a vengeance.