Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
