you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
