Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
