So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
