I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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