just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
