Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
