i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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