dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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