i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
