Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
