Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Oh god it's open bar.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
