The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free