just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
You dont lie about slip and slides
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.