If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
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I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
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I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.