Dude, just got a bummer.
A blow job from a homeless chick.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
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I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
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Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.