I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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