If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Are we still banned from the library?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you